The Happiness Mentality

This speaks to my soul. From Gerald May's Will and Spirit:

The basic assumption of the happiness mentality... is that if one lives one's life correctly one will be happy. The corollary of this assumption is that if one is not happy, one is doing something wrong.

While the happiness mentality may provide some constructive force in encouraging people to respond to their problems and not wallow in self-pity... it has a far more destructive effect in the long run. The happiness mentality causes people to repress or deny many of their own negative feelings. It prohibits the rich experience of living through painful situations, of fully feeling and being in the sadness, grief, and fear that are natural parts of human existence. It fosters a pastel quality of life, with limited ranges of emotion. Some shallow condition of "happiness" may be achieved... but joy is altogether out of the question. Prohibiting agony in the experience of life must also prohibit joy. To try to accomplish one without the other is to dilute both the experience and the meaning of life. But the happiness mentality can... convince us that sadness is unhealthy, and cause us to bridle all our feelings. At best, this watered-down existence... [denies] the negativity of life. At worst, it sinks into apathy, denying life itself.

And later:

Seldom is any credence given to the possibility that something truly creative might come through these unpleasant feelings.

For the past while, I've been seeking happiness in vain. When it proved, time and again, to be elusive, I began to sincerely consider the idea that something was wrong with me - that I was depressed, suffering psychological distress, abnormal. Everyone around me was smiling, glowing, spreading wide their arms and reaping the successes of happy living. And there I was, not quite sad, but not quite happy.

Lukewarm. Lacking. Dissatisfied.

Granted, I have legitimate, personal reasons for being less than happy. Illness in my family, the fear of "what happens next," the stress of 40+ hours of homework per week (this is a minimum, and unfortunately not an understatement). But I believe the main reason I'm unhappy is because I'm so desperately seeking happiness, and though I do find moments of contentment, they are not the earth-shaking, enveloping, heart-pounding bursts of joy that I've always seen as a sign I'm doing right, that I've found my way back to the path I'm meant to be treading.

But guess what. Happiness is not always a result of good deeds. (Sorry to those Buddhists out there, but...) Karma does not exist, at least not infallibly. Sometimes, even when you're doing your absolute best, even when you're a good person, even when you just want to be happy, you may find yourself in difficult times. You may find that happiness simply eludes you. Instead of allowing this to deepen your despair, to chase happiness further from your reach... accept the sorrow, the grief, the dissatisfaction. Accept that it's a part of life, that you didn't necessarily cause it, that you don't have to be happy all the time, and allow yourself to feel pain. Never think you're wrong for being less than happy.

If you embrace the times you're not happy, you will find that joy - incandescent, boundless, transcendent happiness - is no longer elusive, that it floats into your opened palm. Not because you are reaching, but because you are receptive; not because you are greedy, but because you are grateful.

I don't see joy in my immediate future. But for the time being, I am going to be content with being afraid and somewhat lost.