irrationality

Step-by-step guidelines to loneliness (keep the title of this blog in mind as you read):

1. When something goes wrong, bottle it up. Don't ask for help. No one will understand.
2. Oops, looks like you're having a bit of a problem dealing with things alone. That's okay. Keep trying. Don't even think about picking up the phone to ask for help. You'll get better on your own.
3. Things are most definitely not getting better. And look, you haven't called/contacted/spoken to/visited your friend in two weeks. On top of your problems, he/she probably hates you, too.
4. Maybe you should call your friend to catch up. Or you can just stare at your phone guiltily thinking of all the things he/she will say when you call. "Why haven't you called me in two weeks? Don't you care about me anymore?" "Clearly you're just calling me because you feel guilty." "You obviously have better things to do than talk to me."
5. Months later, begin to worry you're losing a friend. Your original problem may or may not be fixed, but you certainly have another problem in that you and your friend aren't as close anymore.
6. Become even more distant with your friend over the next few months. As more problems arise, use them as excuses as to why you can't call him/her. Besides, he/she is irreconcilably mad at you by this point. Calling would just start an argument.
7. Wonder why everyone always leaves you.

If you have irrational thought processes like this, stop them. Right now. You can save yourself a lot of trouble by confiding in your friends when you have a problem, because a) they care about you and want to help, b) they are outside of the problem and their perspective will be fresh, c) sometimes we all just need a hand to lift us up, and d) it's healthy. But if you're like me and have difficulty opening up in hard times, at least realize that your true friends are still your friends even if you haven't spoken to them in two weeks, or even several months. They won't hold it against you if things get busy, if you're having a hard time, or if you simply forgot to call.

I'm sorry to all the friends I've been neglecting. I've been having a hard time, but I'm not using that as an excuse anymore. I'm so grateful to those friends who haven't given up on me, who are faithful and optimistic, who remind me that love is the ultimate healer.