Lost in Technology

I've been feeling displaced lately, like I'm floating from one interaction to the next. Whenever I have down time for me, I feel suddenly nonexistent. Empty, like thin air. So I struggle, in vain, to fill the void with other people. And I'm here, writing this, to tell you why in the hopes that you can stay full.

It all started with this article, sent to me by a professor I admire. He challenges me to think, even when culture tells me I should gratify my desires thoughtlessly and instantly. But that's a topic for another blog. Anyway, I read the article and immediately felt its truth.  

Sparknotes version: We, as a culture, have become so dependent on social media/technology that we have lost our inner lives, the private realm where we can develop ourselves without broadcasting every minute detail of our lives to the world. Without that quiet sphere to reflect and nurture our souls, we are left (virtually (pun intended?)) soulless.

Before reading this article, I hadn't really seen my social media/technology use as a problem. I certainly hadn't seen the problem as an addiction (yes, I am labeling it an addiction, and I challenge you to consider the possibility for yourself). And on top of that, I hadn't seen it as draining me of substance. However, my social media/technology use is all of these things. It tricks me into thinking I have no worth unless I post something entertaining for the public to see, unless other people like it (and, in turn, "me"). And suddenly being alone seems like a punishment.

A day off used to mean reading and going for a walk and journaling and cleaning my room and watching inspiring documentaries that make me want to change the world and crying and falling into my own dreams. Lately, a day off has caused panic followed by ceaseless hours on Facebook trying to feel connected, constantly checking my cell phone for texts, and mindlessly flipping through the television as though it will make me feel less alone.

I'm not sure how I fell into this cycle. I don't know if my social media addiction caused my tendency to live through and for others, or if it's the other way around, or if something else entirely is causing both. What I do know is that I've lost myself somewhere along the way. And because I am lacking, because I have little to contribute, my interactions with others are lacking.

I could walk you through my daily routine of checking and re-checking and re-checking again my phone, of hours lost on Facebook, of loneliness and frustration, but suffice it to say, I need to make some changes. Instead of using my phone to check the time (and inevitably ending up on some form of social media site), I'm going to invest in a watch. Instead of Facebook stalking old friends, I'm going to write them, or call them, or drive/fly out to visit them. Instead of broadcasting my every thought to the world, I will save my words for something meaningful, something to inspire others. I'm going to put my phone somewhere, volume up, and go to it only when it alerts me. I'm going to check Facebook once a day! And I'm going to save my television watching for shows that inspire me to be better (ie So You Think You Can Dance?, with beautiful music, beautiful dancing, and beautiful people who follow their dreams).

And most importantly, I'm going to work on myself. I'm going to walk in nature again. I'm going to read, ravenously. I'm going to pick up my quill, dip it in ink, and write. I'm going to play the piano. I'm going to exercise. I'm going to write letters. And when I spend time with people, I'm going to have depth again. I'm going to be a well of feeling, experience, self. And I'm going to share that with others, on a one on one basis, so they know how special they are. I'm going to disclose only what I feel comfortable sharing, so that there is a genuine me inside.

Well... this blog has only taken about two hours to write. Should I feel bad for spending two hours online? I don't think so. I think this is what technology should be about. Genuinely connecting with others, inspiring others, developing our sense of self. Because, you know, other people can fill you up, but only if you are already at least half-full in your own right, and only if you are willing to go beyond superficiality. It's a shame technology has fallen into just that.

I won't settle for artificiality anymore. Virtual connections, empty words, half-emotions. I'm going to feel, authentically. I'm going to interact, authentically. And I'm going to ban that smart phone to a dark corner of this house while I search for my lost substance.

"Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves." - Ghandi