from me

Have you ever confided in someone that you were hurting, depressed, sad, scared, etc. only to receive the response, "I know things are hard, but think of all you have to be grateful for. Just think about all the reasons you're blessed and you'll find no more reason to be sad"?

As well meaning as this "advice" can be, it is horribly horribly wrong.

Yes, there is merit in being grateful for what you have. If you aren't grateful, you're ungrateful, and no one wants to be ungrateful. So if something's good, be happy that it's good. Okay? Great.

But one good thing does not cancel out one bad thing. It doesn't work that way. "I just lost my dog, but at least I have a comfortable home!" No no no. By all means, be grateful for your home. Be grateful you have a place to retire at the end of the day, a place you feel safe and loved and welcome. But that does not, by any means, make up for the sense of loss in the pit of your stomach.

Do not think, "I have no right to be sad when I'm so blessed with this and this and this and this." Listing things to be grateful for should be done, but not to "make up for" or "erase" your sorrows.

On the other hand, please don't let your sorrows take away from the good things. Try not to slip into the mindset of this-one-thing-went-horribly-wrong-therefore-everything-is-wrong. No, not everything is wrong. Be sad for what went wrong, but don't let that sorrow blind you to the things that are good. Like the A you just got on a paper you worked really hard on, for example. Don't lose sight of your successes/blessings in the wake of your failures/losses.

It is possible--I would even go so far as to say healthy--to be grateful and sorrowful (happy and sad, excited and scared, fill in the blanks) at the same time.

Life is not black and white. Neither are emotions. You're not wrong for feeling what you feel. There is no 'should' or 'should not' when it comes to emotions (all my do nots in this post are merely to help, not to force you into feeling anything you don't). Feel what you feel. Grateful, scared, pleased, confused, curious, exhilarated, sad, worried, happy. To deny yourself the opportunity to feel is denying yourself what makes you (imperfectly and beautifully) human.

(and if you ever need a listening ear/shoulder to cry on/sounding board, I'm your girl)