NaNoWriMo 2010 Winner!

That's right, folks...

I WON!

I thought I'd feel a bit more... wonderfully-amazing-never-been-this-excited. But I don't. I'm proud of my dedication, don't get me wrong, but I think the novelty (no pun intended) has worn off. I'm a writer, it's what I do, ain't nothing new.

Here's what I do know:

1. I like this novel. I will admit that, near the end, I got lazy/unmotivated/run-down/maybe even a little bored, and the writing isn't nearly as strong. I wrote whatever I felt like just to get words on the page. There are countless spelling errors, grammar mistakes, horrid writing. My inner editor died around page 156. Yet the fact remains: I am fond of this novel. I honestly can't say that about my previous two NaNo wins, and the fact that they haven't been touched since the day I reached the 50K mark says it all. After a couple weeks of cooling off, regrouping, collecting my thoughts, I will begin the slow and pain-staking process of editing this novel. I'm excited for what comes and to see my ideas blossom on the page (once I have the time and motivation to give them the care and effort they deserve).

2. I can write REALLY DANG FAST. So no more excuses that I'm 'just not as fast a writer

as I used to be.' 1,400 words in a half an hour is NOT slow, not even remotely. That excuse is shot.

3. The reason I thought that I wrote too slowly was because I care too much. I want everything to be perfect, poignant, pristine. I want it to resonate with brilliance, to change the world, to make me the next big mind, to produce classics. Well, guess what... that's not going to happen on the first draft. Unless I spend ridiculously long amounts of time making sure that every single word is saying exactly what I want to convey. And who wants to do that?

4. I can utilize symbolism. And I can do it subtly (albeit messily at times). Who knew!

5. I fell in love with my characters. Honestly and truthfully. It may sound cheesy or cliche, but they are part of me now. Living, breathing entities outside of the page for which they were created. I can't wait to explore them further and bring them to life more and more with each edit.

6. I'M A FREAKIN' NANOWRIMO WINNER, MAN!

I will go to sleep happy, wake up, and resume life. I will turn my Facebook chat back on! I will call up my friends I've been neglecting! I will put all of my efforts into my studies! I will eat and sleep and shower and breathe normally.

Yes, I will miss the creative madness of NaNoWriMo. Because despite the finger cramps, the doubts, the wallowing, the lack of motivation, the sleepless nights, and the feelings of inadequacy, I love November. I love not knowing where my novel is going, but letting it carry me through the whole gamut of human emotions, even things I've never experienced. I love writing something and going, "Oh! I didn't see that coming, but it's brilliant!" I love making up words and laughing at my characters' stupidity and crying alongside them when I have to torture them undeservedly.

*sigh* There's always next year.