3 years

It's official. I've had this blog for three whole years. 

It's hard to believe I've been chronicling my life right here, for you, for three years. I still remember creating the blog and wondering if I was ever going to use it. Turns out, I have.

Though I do have to apologize for being pretty absent lately. To be honest, I'd done a job of losing myself in the latter part of last year. But thanks to some fierce love from my incredible other half, some counseling, a sudden influx of motivation, and some killer New Years Resolutions, I'm quickly and eagerly being reacquainted with myself. It's been a process, some of which I'm sure I will share with you as I feel is appropriate in the coming months.

But let's return to celebrating three years of blogging madness by running through the highlights of each blog year. I hope you won't be too bored.

2010

Wrote my very first blog on January 6th. Went to Ireland and fell in love with its charm. Survived another difficult finals week. Spent an unforgettable summer in Provo, Utah. Prepared for and won NaNoWriMo '10. 

2011

Began planning for my future career (plans which are currently underway). Got a job at Big Lots with Ashley and Sheryl. Fell in love, quickly and exhilaratingly. Discovered contemplation and joined the Thomas Merton bandwagon. Attempted and failed NaNoWriMo '11.

2012

Learned that happiness is elusive. Tried to cope with my father's illness through words. Losing him. Tried to reel in my reliance on technology in order to rediscover the real. Learned to see past the shoulds and should nots. And another failed but much needed NaNoWriMo.

Looking back, something big has happened every blog year (I say "blog year" because this blog offers only a small window into my life as a whole). Going to Ireland, moving to Provo, falling in love, losing my father. Big things. Life-altering things.

If there's one thing that has remained the same during these past three years, it's the constancy of change, of learning to cope and adapt to the turbulent river of life. As Thich Nhat Hanh relates, "We cannot step into the same river twice." And so it is with life. With each day, we must become new in order to make any sense of the new circumstances we find ourselves in. 

Change can be subtle or it can be monumental, but it is always there. I am grateful to have been through so much change this past year. Losing my father, graduating from college, moving back home, not knowing my next step, entering the real world by securing a position as a substitute teacher (as I had planned a year before). Inevitable, beautiful, difficult change. I wasn't grateful for it in 2012. In fact, it caused a great deal of anxiety and self-pity. I felt unmoored and unwanted. But no more.

I know now that I am strong. And I know now to be grateful for what I have. Most importantly, I know that things are going to change. I know I can't hold on to any one moment, any one event, any one situations, or any one person (at least my sense of that person as they are at such-and-such date). I will be grateful for what I have each day, knowing and accepting that it may not be there the next.

I will also find comfort in knowing that, in a world of chaos, impermanence, and uncertainty, there exists One who will never change, though my understanding of Him inevitably will.